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Amazon Prime’s 10 million one-day delivery items will keep you out of the big, scary world

Veruca Salt was right.

Amazon deliveryperson using amazon key to put package into the customer's garage
Image: Amazon

Amazon, in a continuing battle against Walmart, has announced that there are now roughly 10 million items available for one-day delivery. This does not count same-day delivery available in major metropolitan areas and according to Amazon, is going to become the norm for Prime Members.

Regardless of how Amazon treats the humans that make up its stressed-out workforce, we live in an on-demand society. We want it now. We want it quicker than now. We don’t want to walk further than our front stoop. Fuck going to Walmart or Sears. Bring it to our goddamn doorstep.

Bring me my beer bong with a bonus keychain. Bring me a shower enema nozzle to wash out the butt beer. Bring me that weener kleener to wash away the burning sensation of still having to leave the house to buy cheese.

Bring me Senran Kagura Peach Beach Splash for my PS4 and fragile mental state. Bring me this drill brush to clean my wasted soul. Bring me this hideous currency to pay my way into the hell that awaits me. I want it all. I want it all within one day.

Amazon delivers billions of items a year, something that used to be handled by UPS or the USPS

The company now has its own drivers and their own stories of hell. Amazon doesn’t want you to wait. Amazon doesn’t want to rely on a third party carrier. Amazon wants you to have it now. Amazon knows you can’t wait more than a day for your collagen peptides.

Walmart continues to step up its game, but it still has physical stores to worry about. It still has to give you a reason to go there. Amazon doesn’t.

Amazon quickly killed your trips to the hardware store, totally abolished Radio Shack and now with Amazon’s purchase of Whole Foods and its Fresh Grocery service in many areas, is eliminating your bi-weekly trip to the grocery store. Amazon is going to start showing up at your door more often than that one neighbor who thinks your tree is hanging too low over the fence.

Living in an on-demand society is both wonderful and troubling. It may create an anti-social population who are rightfully afraid of going out into a dying world.

With the availability of over 10 million items to your doorstep in a single day, Amazon isn’t just competing with Walmart, it’s shaping our expectations for everything else in life. We grow impatient with the things in life that once required patience, all because we can now own a fresh pair of Crocs tomorrow.

Do you use Amazon’s one-day shipping? Any unique impulse buys? Let us know down below in the comments or carry the discussion over to our Twitter or Facebook.

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Defunct writer. Exhausted. Ephemeral existence for ephemeral times. Don't email me.

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