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The Iowa caucus results are trapped in app hell

I owe ya cock sauces

welcome to iowa sign

People are flipping their shit this morning on Twitter. Why? It’s early, it’s a Tuesday, what could possibly be the issue? Oh, only the fate of democracy itself, a process that starts in the middling state of Iowa. A land of, well, cornfields I guess.

But this is the state where it starts, the run for the Presidency. The caucuses are a bunch of community votes by each political party that immediately promise delegates to the winning candidate. I learned that this morning because before this morning I never gave two shits about Iowa or the caucus. But then things broke.

Apparently, there are some technical glitches with the app used to cast votes. Since we live in the age of social media and immediate resolution to the conflict is necessary for the stability of our mental health, Twitter is aflame with blame, whining, attacking and conspiracy theories. Even President dipshit was quick to jump in on the fray, spewing his normal morning diarrhea.

So, about this app. It was created by the up-and-coming company, Shadow. Which makes sense, because if you want anything handling your democracy, it might as well be a shady startup called Shadow. Even so, the app in question was properly vetted but it’s like no one has used an app before. From CRM tools to point-of-sale software, I have never run into an app that worked perfectly on day one. There are always bugs that developers didn’t consider because developers are not users.

But that’s not the point here – The point is that we all need to take a breath and chill the fuck out

Iowa, a state that exists, will eventually deliver the results and we’ll know which old white man will likely get the Democratic party nomination (7 of the last 10 have gone on from winning Iowa to getting the nod for the Presidental nomination). There were also paper ballots handed out last night, so votes will be counted.

Some of the hand wringing is correct. If a simple voting app is failing now, what does that mean for the upcoming general election? Is it already rigged by incompetence in app design? While thanks to the paper ballots it won’t affect the eventual outcome, an app failure has added a level of stress to those who give a crappity crap about the Iowa results.

With Russia likely to attempt to hack our voting machines later this year, I’m going to reiterate again — we need to switch to paper ballots and nothing else.

Eliminate technology from the process. Be patient, count the paper, and get accurate results. Stop trying to layer technology on a process that doesn’t need it. We need security on the voting process more than technology especially since technology has proven it cannot be built to efficiently handle the seemingly simple task of voting.

Whatever happens with the Iowa results (#YangGang for life baby), know that it was a goddamn app that caused this morning’s headache, not a hangover from watching CNN until 2am.

What do you think? Surprised by the news this morning or does anything political surprise you anymore? Let us know down below in the comments or carry the discussion over to our Twitter or Facebook.

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Writing about consumer technology, social media and the deep layers of psychological torture endured by all of it. The world is changing, but that doesn't mean we can't be cynical about it. It's not all sunshine and roses in Silicon Valley. It's self loathing, pretentiousness and machines that squeeze juice for you. Also, a strong affinity for toasters.Follow on Twitter @cebsilver for them jokes. Chaotic neutral. Pitches to cebsilver@gmail.com

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