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Your long-distance relationship survival guide

Don’t knock a long-distance relationship until you’ve tried it. It might be just the best thing you could do for yourself and your partner.

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Living far away from your significant other can be pretty tricky to handle. Although we are lucky to have technology and sex toys to help ‘get us by’ (if you know what I mean), nothing can replace the physical touch and connection with your partner. 

Some couples handle it fine, and others find it really difficult. Managing a long-distance relationship (LDR) is all about having the right approach and the right tools.

And if you find the right ones for you, an LDR can be just as fulfilling as it would be in person. Of course, you can’t go into an LDR and expect it to be exactly the same as an in-person relationship; that’s just not going to happen.

But you sure can have a relationship that is just as awesome. 

Set your Expectations

Before entering into a long-distance relationship, it’s important to set out your expectations. It may sound obvious, but you need to talk to your partner to do this. 

Ask each other how you would like to communicate. Ask each other how often you would like to talk or text. Every day? Every morning? A few times a week?

Although it’s a fundamental question, it’s often the most basic thing that couples end up arguing about; communication being a common issue. 

We’ve all been there … he doesn’t text us when we expect him to, so we automatically think, to quote Bridget Jones, he’s chucked (us) … then it turns out he has not, in fact, chucked you, but he was just busy. If you communicate your expectations on … well … communication, you will save both of your sanities. 

Another key thing to discuss is how long the distance timeline is planned to be. Quite often, the one thing that LDR couples agree keeps them going is knowing that there will be an end to the long-distance relationship, and they will be together with their partner on a permanent basis at some point in the future. 

So discuss this with your partner and agree on a time limit if possible. 

If your partner cannot give you an approximate time and this is very important to you, you might want to consider if it’s worth being in a long-distance relationship with them.

Having a talk about monogamy is also a good and essential shout. This is another trigger of disputes among couples that could also be avoided, specifically in LDR couples.

One person might think that they will be monogamous and assume that their partner will be too. Alas, you cannot assume anything. Ask your partner what their expectations are regarding monogamy. 

And if your expectations don’t match, this might also be a reason not to enter into the LDR relationship with them. Whether you decide to be monogamous to each other or not, that’s up to you.

Monogamy works great for some people in a LDR, and non-monogamy works great for others. The most important thing is that everything is on the table and you are both aware of what the other person expects. 

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Use the Time Away from your Partner to Work on Yourself.

Being away from your significant other can be grueling at times. At some point, it will feel horrible. At the same time as having more freedom to eat what you want for dinner and watch your favorite movies that your partner doesn’t like, you don’t have them there to eat meals with, there will be an empty space on the couch, and you won’t have them around to bounce ideas off. And you will miss that. 

But instead of moping around, missing them, and focusing on the negative aspect of not having them with you, you can flip the situation around and choose to see the positive side: you can fill the empty void they leave with you, yourself, and you! 

Take the opportunity to really look after yourself, work out, pick up an old hobby, learn a new skill, meet up with friends and family, go on solo vacations.

Take this as an opportunity to learn about yourself and your body by exploring masturbation with vibrating toys and other accessories that will showcase never-before-known sensation…

The list of ways to fill the void is endless. You will still miss your partner, but won’t it be better to tell your partner about all the cool stuff you’ve been doing instead of whining down the phone about how much you miss them?

It never feels good causing another person pain, and if all you do is tell your partner how much you miss them and how sad you are, that might make your partner feel guilty and put a strain on the relationship.

By all means, be real with your partner on how you feel but try not to make all your conversations about it. Don’t be a Moaning Myrtle!

Plus, seeing your partner investing in themselves is actually sexy! So don’t feel guilty about indulging in yourself if you’re in an LDR. It will do you and your relationship good. 

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Keep it Sexy

One benefit of a long-distance relationship that quite often gets forgotten about is that it is quite sexy. You know that phrase: absence makes the heart grow fonder … and the genitals hornier!

Sure, it’s hard not having your beau or sweetheart with you all the time, but when you do get together, there will be all this bottled-up sexual anticipation between you.

And the sex has the potential to be phe-nom-en-al! Before you meet up in person, though, there are many ways you can keep your relationship spicy from afar:

  • Phone sex: This has probably been around since phones existed. And nowadays, we are blessed with technology that can make us feel like we’re in the same room as our loved ones if we have a strong enough signal or WiFi connection. Start off with a few saucy sexts and maybe some risqué photos (be careful you send them to the right person ofc … you don’t want grandma to get a shocking surprise). You could send sexts to your partner to build anticipation throughout the day. Then when you’re both available, call your partner and pick up where the texts left off. Many people freak out at this point because they say they have no idea how to do dirty talk. In reality, dirty talk is simply telling your partner what you want to do to them or what you want them to do to you, so don’t overthink it. Touch yourself and tell them exactly what you want. If you’re into dominance and submission, you could have your partner tell you what to do to yourself or vice versa. There’s nothing sexier than hearing someone spank themselves on the other end of the phone.
  • App-controlled vibrators: Just because your boo isn’t physically there doesn’t mean that they can’t give you an orgasm. There are many good-quality, app-controlled vibrators on the market these days. Invest in your preferred vibrator, link your boo’s phone to the device and have some buzzy long-distance fun. Combine this with phone sex, and your evening is sorted!
  • Deny self-gratification before you meet in person: There’s a reason that orgasm denial is a thing in the BDSM world. When you deny yourself sexual pleasure, your body will actually do the opposite and will get even hornier. Combine this with the excitement of seeing your honey in person, and your body will literally be tingling all over when it comes to getting busy with your LDR boo. How long you deny yourselves is up to you. But if an in-person visit is coming up with your LDR boo, it might be worth locking your vibrator away. You will thank yourself later.

Final Words

Don’t knock a long-distance relationship until you’ve tried it. It might be just the best thing you could do for yourself and your partner.

Sometimes going long-distance could actually be essential at some point in your relationship; you both might go to different colleges, get jobs in different cities or even countries, one of you might work in the travel industry (yachties, vacation reps, pilots, flight attendants, we see you and we appreciate you!), one of you might go in the military and be deployed for a year at a time, or maybe you’re an international couple, and one of you can only go home for months at a time to make the trip worthwhile (enter: the American/Australian couple).

The main thing to remember is that long-distance does not, repeat, does not mean the end of your relationship or that a relationship starting as long-distance is doomed. If you both communicate your expectations and use your time physically apart to better yourselves, you cannot go wrong.

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