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Google’s Shoelace will probably get caught in the social media escalator

The fox chases the rabbit.

google shoelace
Image: Google

Google is the internet as far as most of the world is concerned. But when it comes to social media, it’s basically a wet dog turd inside a tire, inside a tire fire, inside a dumpster.

Google Buzz, Google+, Allo and Google Wave are the most prominent failures over the years, coming so close yet so far. Google has been edging towards a successful social network for years. Naturally, it thinks it might have something with Shoelace, a social network that is already most likely excluding you.

Shoelace, as it stands, is only available in NYC. It was developed by Area 120, an experimental product dev team you’ve never heard of. The app connects people based on shared interests in specific, local events and in-person activities.

In short, if you spend a lot of time at a local hookah bar, twirling your excessively long mustache and talking about your vinyl collection, you create a “Loop” of that event which is shared with other users on the app. Or the app will recommend activities or events in order to connect people.

In some ways, it’s kind of like Foursquare for assholes

While it is nice that a social app is trying to force people to enjoy life and the world around them, it’s really just another place besides Facebook where people can post about their day-to-day activities as if anyone besides their mom gives a holy shit.

We already connect on social media because of shared activities — shitposting. Think about how you met pretty much everyone on Twitter or Facebook, most likely shitposting something else. Shoelace is just a social calendar that will eventually be absorbed into another Google app or fail altogether. It gets exhausting continuously updating your daily social life on social media.

Has social media forced us to become so anti-social IRL that we need a new social network to get us off our phones and participating in the world, only to encourage us to go back into our phones to share that experience or event? It’s mind-bottling.

Shoelace’s tagline is “Supercharge your social life” and encourages users to “find your crew”, two things that only encourage an eye roll so deep you can see your own brain.

Google Shoelace is currently available only in NYC and on Google Android and Apple iOS. You need a Google login (which, all of you have) and it does plan to expand to other cities in the future. Probably San Francisco next, since those are the only two cities things happen according to Silicon Valley companies.

Eventually, Google will have a successful social network, probably when it buys Twitter. Until that point, it’ll keep trying. At least with Shoelace, it’s starting small so it can avoid failing big.

What do you think? Interested in this new platform from Google? Let us know down below in the comments or carry the discussion over to our Twitter or Facebook.

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A tech writer on the internet for over 15 years for outlets such as Forbes, Wired, TNW, and others, Curtis is exhausted, burnt out and happy to just write buying guides and the occasional review for KnowTechie, the best tech blog your mom never told you about. Ephemeral existence for ephemeral times. Please send pitches and grainy pictures of the inside of your elbow to

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