I’ve been using this Nozzer Anti Sleep watch for the past week – here’s the shocking verdict
Because caffeine isn’t hardcore enough.
Over the last week, I’ve been zapping myself with electricity, for science! No, it’s not some kinky thing, it’s been to test out the claims made by the team behind the Nozzer Watch about its effectiveness for keeping you awake and alert.
Now, that’s a subject that’s dear to my heart for one reason – our new baby. She’s a darling, just comes with the usual amount of lost sleep and exhaustion that any baby brings. I’ve been surviving with the old standbys of caffeine and more caffeine, but it makes me jittery. Surely there’s a better, non-kidney-destroying way?
The science bit
Okay, so we all know that monotonous work makes us sleepy, right? Whether that’s long highway drives, staring at a computer screen or even playing games, the end result is the same. That state of monotony can be short-circuited (literally and figuratively), by feeding the brain just enough other inputs to stop it deciding to downclock.
That shifting to a state of sleepiness is exactly what the Nozzer Watch is designed to prevent, by cyclic electrical stimulation. It’s got two electrodes that kinda press into your skin for a good connection, that delivers scheduled shocks to you. As I understand it, you’re supposed to find a balance between the shocks not registering, and registering too strongly, causing your arm to recoil in shock. Basically, you should be able to feel it, but not feel pain from the current.
It’s easy to find that balance, as the device has 99 levels of intensity, along with cycle timings between 3 seconds and a randomly generated time, for those who become used to a regular shock easily.
So does it work?
Okay, so I’ve been writing down my thoughts as I went along, so bear with me if this sounds a little jumbled. To test out the claims of the Nozzer Watch, I used different strengths and cycle times depending on my level of sleepiness or what I was doing at the time.
Day 1:Okay, it’s Monday. We loooove Mondays. All-rested after the weekend of lazing around. Except, there’s no lazing around with a 7-month-old in the house. I need stimulation to get through the day, but I’m a wimp… Let’s start the Nozzer at 40, with a jolt every 5 seconds.
Okay, this is working. Barely imperceptible jolts, only fading in effectiveness because of two things: I didn’t notice the part about waiting until 30 minutes into monotonous tasks to start using the jolts, and that it seems my body gets used to regularly-timed jolts pretty quickly. Good to know for tomorrow.
Day 2:The day has been going for an hour, and I’m flagging. No caffeine today, time for the Nozzer. Let’s try full power, with 3 second inter… OWFUCKFUCKFUCKWHYYYYYY… Okay, full power isn’t going to work, just managed to delete the photo I was editing when my arm reacted to the jolt. Let’s try a more sedate 60, still at 3-second intervals.
This is more like it, feeling a jolt similar to those muscle-training belts that everyone attributes Bruce Lee as the inventor of. Not strong enough to seem painful, not weak enough to get tuned out by my brain.
Day 3: Humpday arrives and the will to live is leaving me. Time to stop being a wimp and try a higher setting. 80 might work, with the randomly generated timing, so I can’t get too used to it.
This goes well, until I start sweating while I’m moving boxes of tools into the cupboard. Protip: Don’t use the Nozzer Watch during physical exertion, you’ll get far more of a jolt than you bargained for.
Day 4: Okay, Thursday, I don’t care about you, and my general levels of apathy are at an all-time high (or should that be low?). Time to break out the Nozzer and see what happens at a lower setting. 30 should do, with jolts every three seconds so I balance out the intensity with repetition.
Thursday goes by like a blur, maybe work wasn’t so hectic or maybe I’m finally getting this thing dialed in. I have started drinking caffeine by now, but only one cup in the mid-afternoon slump.
Day 5: It’s Friday and I’m in love. The workweek is over, and the Nozzer Watch has kept me relatively sane, especially in the post-work TV-watching winding-down segment of the days.
I’ve settled on 45 for the power setting, on the randomized timer so I can’t tune it out. The only thing I regret about this week? Not getting the larger wristband, as the standard one threatens to unclasp itself on my oversized wrists.
Day 6: Saturday is a time for lazing around, except the shopping hasn’t been done all week, the baby needs clothes because she outgrows them daily (or so it seems) and the household chores have been piling up. Time for some electroshock therapy…
Power setting 45 still works, even while I’ve not got set tasks to do. Powered through a Costco marathon, the Asian mart, two loads of washing and the dishwasher. Phew, time for a beer.
Day 7: Sunday means church, at least in our household. No need for the Nozzer during the sermon, it’s a gospel church so lots of singing and fiery pulpit action. Sunday afternoon is another story…
Today was the only day I felt I needed more of a jolt. Time to turn it up to 70, but with a 15-second gap between shocks. This works well, even managing to stave off the usual post-Sunday Buffet coma. Winning!
So should I buy one?
At $112, the Nozzer Watch is a cheap solution to a common problem – that of inattentiveness or dozing off due to monotony. Imagine saving yourself from the blushes of your head hitting the desk during a particularly dull lecture, or even the dangerous nodding off while driving. It won’t instantly make you more alert, but it does a darn good job keeping you awake.
Just an FYI – get the large wristband as well, then you don’t have to worry about it not fitting well, reducing the effectiveness of the electrodes.
A sample unit was provided for the purpose of this review.
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