Review: SmartBidet SB-3000 electric toilet seat
Hey toilet paper, I’m breaking up with you.
We’re going to come right out and say it: people have strong opinions about how to clean their butts. But the way people gush about their bidets had me intrigued. I’m now ready to (mostly) ditch toilet paper, and the SmartBidet SB-3000 is the reason.
Even without shortages of toilet paper from supply chain issues and hoarding, isn’t it better to be wetter? Washing just seems cleaner, and most of the rest of the world seems to agree.
You don’t need standalone bidets anymore, advances in technology have made it so you can add one to your existing toilet. Some clip on, some bolt on to replace your existing seat. All spritz your posterior, so you leave smelling like a daisy.
The SmartBidet SB-3000 replaces the top half of your toilet and includes a remote that allows you to tweak the bidet to the perfect specifications for your needs.
I’ve been using the SmartBidet SB-3000 for about a month now, and I don’t want to go back to my dry days. Here’s why.
So, why a bidet?
Look, if you’ve got a sensitive stomach, it’s even more reason you should read this. Washing is simply better, okay? So much of the world knows this and uses bidets or other water washing methods after going number two.
Think about it this way. When was the last time you stepped in dog poop? Did you just wipe it off your shoe with a couple of tissues and go on your way? Or did you wash it off? Yeah, we thought so.
Have some official statistics from a research paper, which says you leave about 0.14g of fecal matter after wiping. Although that’s not enough to be considered an issue by the CDC, should that be the end of it?
Did you know that it’s more environmentally friendly this way? The average bidet uses an eighth of a gallon of water to spritz you clean. Creating that roll of toilet paper you’re clutching uses 37 gallons. There’s no way you can get 296 uses from a roll, so the math checks out.
Wet wipes are even worse for the environment, your skin, and your plumbing. Just forget those exist, even the ‘flushable’ ones. They’re not flushable, at least not really.
Washing is the answer, both environmentally and medically. You could get fewer rashes, hemorrhoids, urinary infections, and more. Oh, and it’s all clean water like the stuff you drink from your tap.
Okay, so why the SmartBidet SB-3000?
Before we discuss features, you should know if your toilet is elongated or round. The SB-3000 is for elongated bowls only, so if you’ve got a round bowl, you might want to look at the SB-2000. You’ll also need a socket near the toilet to power the bidet.
Now it’s time to spritz away. You’re probably already wondering if it’s going to be a cold awakening in the morning. Don’t fret, the SB-3000 has unlimited, on-demand heated water, in four levels so you can dial in the comfort.
You don’t need to plumb in hot water either, as it’s all done off a tap from the freshwater supply to your toilet tank.
The seat can also be adjusted to the same four levels (off, low, med, and high), and when you’re done, it has heated air drying, which is awesome on cold mornings. It also comes in clutch to reduce your toilet paper use, even eliminating it altogether if you’re brave enough.
It’s got all the cleaning options you’d want, from posterior to feminine, and a handy “Spiral Stream” that’s turbocharged to help you pass the mail when it’s slow. There are several ways to customize these, including positioning, and five levels of water pressure.
The SB-3000 has one feature that goes above and beyond the bidet I’ve been using for years, and that’s an auto deodorizing fan. I love this feature. Because it’s activated by sitting down, you don’t have to remember to press a button.
The wireless remote uses actual words instead of oblique symbols. That’s more important than you might think. You don’t want to be guessing at functionality while you’re on the toilet.
Oh, and it has a clock on it, because why not? The most common features (posterior, feminine, and stop) are also duplicated on the side of the bidet. That control panel also doubles as a night light.
This model really has everything you need, with a few additional creature comforts. The only thing it doesn’t have is a motorized lid, so it can stay closed until it knows you’re close by.
So, should I ditch the toilet paper and buy an SB-3000?
Everyone loves to be cleaner, right? I mean that’s why showers were invented, and why we spend billions of dollars yearly on fancy soaps. You can’t get much cleaner than a shower, and the SmartBidet SB-3000 is like a mini-shower for your lesser-washed bits.
That makes it worth buying one on its own, but then factor in savings in not buying toilet paper. The average American household of 2.6 people uses over 400 rolls a year.
That’s a lot of money literally down the shitter. You can substantially reduce that with a good bidet, especially one like this that has a heated dryer function.
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