Final Fantasy’s new protagonist looks like he was arrested storming the Capitol

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In what could be a new contender for the worst E3 moment, Square Enix rolled out a trailer for its new hack and slash Final Fantasy game, Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin. The game features Jack, the protagonist of the game, and his two single-syllable named partners, Jed and Ash. It seems they are on a mission to destroy CHAOS, as the 2 minute and 34-second trailer makes it abundantly clear.

The trailer oozes with Tetsuya Nomura’s edgelord signature style of muddy blacks and grays. Jack’s armored teammates look like they were outfitted at goth Hot Topic. Jack himself is sporting a ratty henley t-shirt and jeans, which is a start contrast to the fantasy look of every other character.

That’s OK because his greasy look and short buzzcut make Jack look a lot like someone that was tossed out of Walmart because he refused to wear a mask. I guess that fits because Jack also has a Break gauge where he uses his rage to crystalize enemies to harvest magic off them by brutally destroying them.

Does anyone get the feeling CHAOS is the antagonist?

Roughly every 19 seconds of the trailer has Jack or the antagonist of the game, Garland, angrily mutter the word CHAOS. If you aren’t familiar with CHAOS, it was the primary villain of Final Fantasy 1. It’s also abundantly clear this game is at the very least inspired by Final Fantasy 1, if not a gritty retelling of it. Outside of constantly yelling about “CHAOS,” Jack also graces us with quips like “turn to dust!” and “feel the pain!” as well as the always classic “die!”. Jack seems to be a well-adjusted guy.

I haven’t even had a chance to play the demo for Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin, as Square Enix released a broken demo. However, the trailer is almost too much for me to handle. It’s clear I’m not the only one either. Jack, Ash, and Jed are weirdly stereotypical. Jack, whom we already know is obsessed with killing “CHAOS,” resonates angry white man energy.

Jed is a pink-haired Asian-looking guy that seems to be there to crack-wise when opportunities present themselves. And Ash, the token dark-skinned man, doesn’t seem to have much to say.

Final Fantasy spin-offs usually aren’t that good and this could be the worst

I’m definitely KnowTechie’s Final Fantasy super-fan, but even I can’t figure out if Team Ninja and Square Enix are taking the piss out of this one. The weirdly melodramatic and cringe trailer, the goofy characters, and the fact that you can’t even play the demo are just too much. Jack looks like he’s the type of guy that has a Parler account. It doesn’t help at all.

If the demo ever works and isn’t some weird ploy to get the internet talking about a fake Final Fantasy game, I’ll certainly give my two cents on it. I don’t expect much as I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a trailer this bad.

Jack looks like he’s on parole for hitting his kid, but insists CPS just has it out for him. The is the type of game I feel people think of when they look down on those that play video games. What the hell, Square Enix?

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