CamSoda’s erotic Super Bowl LIII SuperCast solution will titillate your tiddly bits
Orgasmic touchdown there
This weekend in Atlanta, the New England Tom Bradys will line up against the former St. Louis Rams in what will most surely be described as “a game most likely decided by the refs” and “is that Philip Rivers crying in general admission?” If you are watching the game at home, and want a little more interaction with what is happening on the field besides trying to Romo the whole thing, then CamSoda has got you covered.
Similar to its connected sex toy integration for Bitcoin fluctuations, CamSoda’s SuperCast will provide the link between the big game and your big libido. Using the Lovense Lush, a wirelessly connected teledildonic sex toy, CamSoda’s SuperCast will use the connected dildo to keep you engaged in whatever bullshit play the refs just called in favor of Belichick.
“At CamSoda, we’re all about enjoying life at all times, and in everything we do. Live events is a focus of ours and sexual pleasure combined with anything and everything is always a good idea. For this year’s Super Bowl, we want everyone to enjoy the game as much as possible,” said Daryn Parker, VP, CamSoda in a press release. “That’s why we’ve created SuperCast, which allows people to truly feel the game. So regardless of what type of fan you are, we encourage users to check out SuperCast and don’t worry about getting off too loud, since it can be disguised as cheering!”
Right. So be sure to insert the Lovense dildo before going over to your parents’ house to watch the game. It’s a new Super Bowl tradition for this more sexually aware world — eat wings, drink beer, orgasm while your dad is two feet in front of you screaming at the television set. It’s not like most anti-Tom Brady fans don’t already expel some kind of bodily fluid every time that guy draws a shitty roughing the passer flag.
How it works
In case you are wondering how this works, it’s simple. You connect the Lovense Lush to CamSoda’s SuperCast online portal. Then you choose a team, which would be the Los Angeles Rams, unless you live in that brick-laden, Dunkin addicted, bad accent town in the Northeast. Then, you’ll be picking the Patriots; but let’s be honest here, the only sex toys Pats fans use are folded up cardboard cut-outs of Gronk soaked in lobster mac-n-cheese.
After picking your team, the SuperCast then uses classic fantasy football scoring systems, so receptions, yards gained, touchdowns, fumble recoveries, sacks, and so on, to elicit a reaction from the connected Lovense. SuperCast will adjust the intensity based on the type of play. So, touchdowns will obviously receive the highest intensity, while Edelman ham-handing the ball until the inevitable two-minute drill comeback will deliver mixed results.
So, who are you rooting for this weekend? The New England Patriots and another year of insufferable Patriots fans shitting all over Facebook with their delusions that their superstitions somehow led to this dynasty, or the Los Angeles Rams justifying the move back to L.A.? Either way, CamSoda has got the most sensitive parts of you covered.
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