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Elon Musk can piss off to Mars and take Lena Dunham with him

Move over, Matt Damon.

elon musk goes to mars
Image: Curtis Silver / KnowTechie

Elon Musk, a mere personal tragedy caused by some global issue away from becoming a Bond villain, said in a recent Axios interview that he’s about 70% likely to strap up and head to Mars himself at some point before he perishes. He also said a bunch of other stuff.

While that interview marinated, NASA actually landed another rover on Mars yesterday, its InSight Lander, tasked with studying the interior of Mars. While InSight spends the next few years studying geophysical conditions from its parking spot, Musk will continue to push SpaceX to achieve Mars travel, where he admitted in the interview that dying on or after the journey is an already accepted part of the plan.

While Musk has done a lot of good here on Earth, he’s come under fire lately for a lot of strange behavior, so it makes sense that he’s mentally preparing himself for a quick exit from a planet that clearly takes him for granted. His Boring Company is getting into the sewer business, the SEC isn’t happy with him, and he’s getting caught up in lawsuits because of the dumb shit that comes out of his mouth. Maybe it is time to pack up and head to Mars.

So long, and thanks for all the Teslas

According to a recent survey, 26% of respondents wished him a hearty ‘good riddance’, while only 9% asked that he please stay and continue to innovate. A modest 13% begged to be brought along on this eventual one-way Mars trip, while a resounding 52% suggested that he take the matching insufferably annoyance of Lena Dunham with him.

This makes perfect sense, as once again the actress has needled her way into the news cycle with more ‘woe is me’ white girl problems. That’s fine. They can repopulate Mars with self-obsessed Martian babies who prefer hairless cats.

While Musk traveling to Mars within his lifetime may seem like a stretch, it sure beats the other plan he’s got for humans that he talked about in the interview. In the context of his company Neuralink, he said that humans must merge with machines to overcome the existential threat of artificial intelligence. So in order to beat the machines, we must become the machines. I won’t even allow a Google Home, Amazon Alexa or similar device into my home, putting an AI in my brain seems like a bad idea.

Musk said that the goal here is “to achieve a sort of democratization of intelligence, such that it is not monopolistically held in a purely digital form by governments and large corporations.” He believes this could be done within about a decade, but also believes that he could be heading to Mars within seven years. Take your brain computers, pack them on to your SpaceX flight in seven years and fuck right off buddy.

The stresses of pushing the Tesla Model 3 out the door have clearly gotten to Musk over the last few months. That, paired with running a company that builds sewer tunnels while simultaneously running a company that plans to merge human brains with AI machines is a recipe for a mental breakdown that would rival that of Howard Hughes. Musk can also afford the luxury of madness, he just has the option of embracing it on another planet.

What do you think of Elon? Should he head on to Mars? Let us know down below in the comments or carry the discussion over to our Twitter or Facebook.

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Writing about consumer technology, social media and the deep layers of psychological torture endured by all of it. The world is changing, but that doesn't mean we can't be cynical about it. It's not all sunshine and roses in Silicon Valley. It's self loathing, pretentiousness and machines that squeeze juice for you. Also, a strong affinity for toasters.Follow on Twitter @cebsilver for them jokes. Chaotic neutral. Pitches to cebsilver@gmail.com

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