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ImLive launches crotch fireworks this 4th of July

These are(n’t) your dad’s fireworks.

imlive fireworks feature
Image: ImLive

ImLive is an adult cam site that, like CamSoda, focuses its marketing and promotions on silly little attention-getting stunts. While usually still somewhat entertaining, it’s actually starting to get a bit exhausting. We get it. You’re a cam site. Dig deeper. There are better marketing opportunities there.

Anyway.

ImLive missed Canada Day so for the 4th of July in the crumbling United States of America, it’s launching a new feature that integrates fireworks with vibrators, but not real fireworks and not your vibrator. Sounds freaking exciting. In the press release, words like “explosive” were used, but from the user’s point of view, the whole thing fizzles like a wet firecracker on the asphalt.

On July 4th, ImLive is hosting what it is calling a fireworks extravaganza for its hosts (cam models) and users (a growing sub-section of populace looking for escapism during extended lock-down). ImLive’s dedicated development team has developed a temporary UI for user and host interaction that integrates fireworks into the graphical interface. Through this interface, users will be able to choose from four different fireworks sizes and the host’s vibrator will respond in accordance.

Basically, ImLive changed the “send vibes” function to be pictures of different sized fireworks and added a cheesy Geocities firework animation.

Based on the screenshots sent over, it looks like it’s either an iOS or mobile-only feature but details were light on that point

The gist is that this doesn’t work with real fireworks, which kind of reinforces the world in which we are living in. Firework celebrations are being canceled all over the country due to states attempting to wrangle a pandemic they’ve already lost control over. Tack that on to the constant fireworks we’ve been hearing ever night and virtual fireworks and distant orgasms almost seem appealing.

“We wanted to give both our hosts and users a fun explosive feature to play with to celebrate Fourth of July,” says ImLive VP Adrian Stoneman, likely with a smirk and a wink. “Our new feature will allow the users to interact with their hosts unlike ever before. Whether you’re into the big and loud fireworks or the quick and fast ones, you’re going to be guaranteed to have the most pleasurable fireworks experience ever.”

Each firework increases the amount of time the user can make the host suffer. One second vibration, three-second vibration, seven, then ten-second vibration are tied to the sizes of the fireworks. The more fireworks go off in a row, the shorter the interval between vibrations. This is so freaking simple, a frat boy wearing a plastic cup as a hat and bragging about that time he was stoned while acting as the Lacrosse team towel boy can figure it out. Press icons, make vibrator go. Hoo boy, what a way to celebrate America.

But isn’t it? Isn’t giving strangers orgasms through a basic UI with animations most 12 year-olds could design the only way to celebrate the birth of a country that glorifies the inane to the point of electing it President? If we aren’t rightfully trying to tear down a corrupt and capitalistic system that works for the rich, white patriarchy, we’re sitting at home looking for ways to get off. This is a way to get off. Welcome to America.

What do you think? Is this a feature that should exist or are cam sites getting to over-the-top with publicity stunts? Let us know down below in the comments or carry the discussion over to our Twitter or Facebook.

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