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xHamster data proves that #NoNutNovember is a bust

Just spank it and shut up

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Image: WCPO

#NoNutNovember is a house built on sticky lies. One only needs to turn to the one thing we can always count on for the truth — data. And the data shows that #NoNutNovember is nothing more than an empty phrase meant to create division and diversion, rather than some sort of holier-than-thou abstinence movement operating under the guise of personal health.

If you aren’t familiar with #NoNutNovember, it’s an annual event that was most likely created by far-right incels, morphing into a societal meme, that challenges men to refrain from ejaculating for a month. It’s bullshit, full of meme-based pseudoscience and has led to undeserved harassment of sex workers.

It’s also terribly exhausting. It’s a mystery as to why men especially, would want to pretend to participate in such an event, outside of giving them an excuse to harass and blame women for their shortcomings and inability to behave like decent human beings. That’s why it was embraced by incels and the far-right, who are filthy misogynistic liars likely yanking their friction-burnt rods multiple times a day as they create woman-hating memes.

The data tells a different story

If you peruse social media during November, you’ll find the major porn sites cheekily commenting on their page stats, showing no significant drop in traffic. To the point that xHamster.com has sent over a chart to illustrate that #NoNutNovember has no effect on traffic, in fact, November stats for 2019 show a spike in porn traffic.

#NoNutNovember porn traffic data shows yes, let’s nut.

“While the original #NoNutNovember campaign in 2017 resulted in a slight dip in traffic, we saw increases in both November 2018 and 2019. This year, traffic is actually up 10% over last month. I’d love to credit our tongue-in-cheek #YesNutNovember campaigns, but more likely we’re seeing the Streisand effect of sexuality,” says Alex Hawkins, VP of xHamster.

“Trying to energize a whole population to not masturbate only results in them thinking about masturbating more. It’s also resulted in numerous science-based articles and conversations about how healthy masturbation actually is, and how misguided a lot of the #NoNut arguments are. At the end of the day, people don’t like being told what to do, particularly when it comes to sex. Historically, sexuality has been driven by taboo. Making something natural and normal like masturbation scandalous is like disallowing bare ankles — suddenly, what would be commonplace and uneventful inspires fevered lust. #NoNutNovember is shooting itself in the foot, so to speak.”

Science doesn’t lie

Masturbation is healthy. It reduces the risk of prostate cancer, it releases happy chemicals in the brain and it works those bicep muscles. Forcibly refraining from masturbation only creates angry little incels, harassing women on Twitter and being a general blight on society. If you don’t want to crank your handle, fine, but don’t take out your pent up rage on others you little shits.

#NoNutNovember only exists because social media exists, the corners of which are disgusting and full of trash humans being misogynistic, small men. Men can do much better than pretending that #NoNutNovember is a thing every year. They can change it to #TreatWomenWithRespectNovember instead.

In fact, the men who claim to participate (excluding those who just make sarcastic jokes and memes about it to disparage those men who take it seriously) can try treating women with respect every month, every day. That might be a much more worthy challenge in the eyes of society than pretending to attempt not to masturbate for a month in order to show how much they hate women. The data proves they are fucking liars, the entire lot of them, so may as well whack it and work on their shitty personalities in the meantime.

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Writing about consumer technology, social media and the deep layers of psychological torture endured by all of it. The world is changing, but that doesn't mean we can't be cynical about it. It's not all sunshine and roses in Silicon Valley. It's self loathing, pretentiousness and machines that squeeze juice for you. Also, a strong affinity for toasters.Follow on Twitter @cebsilver for them jokes. Chaotic neutral. Pitches to cebsilver@gmail.com

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