The best tech to hoard during a pandemic
Just add Hot Pockets and Tuna.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from post-apocalyptic disaster movies, it’s that there is always one grizzled old dude who has hoarded all the needed, yet antiquated technology. This is the guy who will charge your iPod battery, or supply the cables needed to build the thing that will destroy the other thing.
While we aren’t anywhere near post-apocalyptic wasteland status, we are still being (rightfully) asked to self-isolate, so you are going to need to make sure you’ve got the right tech for surviving whatever may come. Who knows, it may come in handy one day.
Nintendo Switch Lite
If you don’t have a Nintendo Switch Lite then you don’t have a video game system (besides your smartphone) that you can take to the bathroom as you escape your family, whom after only two days of “working” at home with you, have already become the monsters you always feared they were.
There will be a time in the future when some crazy community leader who hoards all the water and is generally surly will be searching for the one book that would give him ultimate power. Don’t be on the receiving end of that mission. With an Amazon Kindle you can finally catch up on all that reading you promised yourself you would do this year (in 2012) and spare yourself a trip to the surely infected book store, where everyone touches everything.
Too obvious. Next.
A toaster oven
It’s going to become quite inefficient running the oven every time you want to heat something up, and after a few days of isolation with these people (*waves hands at your family*) the microwave beep is going to be one of those noises that drives you to kill. Get a second toaster oven, put it in the garage and sit in the quiet heat and cradle your Hot Pocket until it cools down, then sob with the realization that this is how you live now.
Emergency hand-crank radio
Everyone is raiding the grocery stores like they are prepping for a hurricane (why were all the canned meats sold out but the fresh meats were well-stocked?) We may as well take a little bit of that line of thinking and apply it to our “just-in-case” bag we have packed in the front closet. You have one of those right? It has a hand-crank radio, a first-aid kit, ammo, tuna, camping gear, important papers, and tools. And other stuff. But a hand-crank radio will always work and when you are roaming the land looking for other survivors, you’ll need it.
That one box of cables
You know the box. It’s deep in the cabinet and contains a eSATAp to SATA 22 pin Cable, along with so many twisted up USB cables. Is that a VGA to DVI converter? Regardless, with all the extra people not going to school and work clogging up your house during all hours instead of staggered shift, you are likely going to need some HDMI cables so stock up.
A good pair of gaming headphones
The best way to not get annoyed by your family or roommates during a period of self-isolation, days off work or no school is to simply drown them out with a good pair of gaming headphones. The only surround sound that won’t drive you batshit crazy is the footsteps of your enemies in Call of Duty. The only thing you want to hear from your family is a whole bunch of silence. Since they won’t give you that, get your high-fidelity gaming on.
Your Onlyfans subscription
More now than ever it’s important to support industries that are not insured, that are not supported by the government and have no bailouts. The sex worker industry is one of those. They work hard (literally and figuratively) to bring you quality entertainment. So keep your Onlyfans or ManyVids subscriptions up to date so that this affected group of people can continue to pay rent and eat canned tuna like the rest of us. Plus, you’re isolated. You’re gonna need porn.
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