Connect with us

Buying Guide

The best tech to hoard during a pandemic

Just add Hot Pockets and Tuna.

tech for a pandemic
Image: KnowTechie

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from post-apocalyptic disaster movies, it’s that there is always one grizzled old dude who has hoarded all the needed, yet antiquated technology. This is the guy who will charge your iPod battery, or supply the cables needed to build the thing that will destroy the other thing.

While we aren’t anywhere near post-apocalyptic wasteland status, we are still being (rightfully) asked to self-isolate, so you are going to need to make sure you’ve got the right tech for surviving whatever may come. Who knows, it may come in handy one day.

Nintendo Switch Lite

nintendo switch lite

Image: KnowTechie

If you don’t have a Nintendo Switch Lite then you don’t have a video game system (besides your smartphone) that you can take to the bathroom as you escape your family, whom after only two days of “working” at home with you, have already become the monsters you always feared they were.


Amazon Kindle

amazon kindle on purple background

Image: KnowTechie

There will be a time in the future when some crazy community leader who hoards all the water and is generally surly will be searching for the one book that would give him ultimate power. Don’t be on the receiving end of that mission. With an Amazon Kindle you can finally catch up on all that reading you promised yourself you would do this year (in 2012) and spare yourself a trip to the surely infected book store, where everyone touches everything.


Your smartphone

Too obvious. Next.


A toaster oven

toaster oven on purple background

Image: KnowTechie

It’s going to become quite inefficient running the oven every time you want to heat something up, and after a few days of isolation with these people (*waves hands at your family*) the microwave beep is going to be one of those noises that drives you to kill. Get a second toaster oven, put it in the garage and sit in the quiet heat and cradle your Hot Pocket until it cools down, then sob with the realization that this is how you live now.


Emergency hand-crank radio

hand-crank radio

Image: KnowTechie

Everyone is raiding the grocery stores like they are prepping for a hurricane (why were all the canned meats sold out but the fresh meats were well-stocked?) We may as well take a little bit of that line of thinking and apply it to our “just-in-case” bag we have packed in the front closet. You have one of those right? It has a hand-crank radio, a first-aid kit, ammo, tuna, camping gear, important papers, and tools. And other stuff. But a hand-crank radio will always work and when you are roaming the land looking for other survivors, you’ll need it.


That one box of cables

box of cables on floor

Image: NewsThump

You know the box. It’s deep in the cabinet and contains a eSATAp to SATA 22 pin Cable, along with so many twisted up USB cables. Is that a VGA to DVI converter? Regardless, with all the extra people not going to school and work clogging up your house during all hours instead of staggered shift, you are likely going to need some HDMI cables so stock up.


A good pair of gaming headphones

corsair gaming headset on purple background

Image: KnowTechie

The best way to not get annoyed by your family or roommates during a period of self-isolation, days off work or no school is to simply drown them out with a good pair of gaming headphones. The only surround sound that won’t drive you batshit crazy is the footsteps of your enemies in Call of Duty. The only thing you want to hear from your family is a whole bunch of silence. Since they won’t give you that, get your high-fidelity gaming on.


Your Onlyfans subscription

onlyfans logo

Image: KnowTechie

More now than ever it’s important to support industries that are not insured, that are not supported by the government and have no bailouts. The sex worker industry is one of those. They work hard (literally and figuratively) to bring you quality entertainment. So keep your Onlyfans or ManyVids subscriptions up to date so that this affected group of people can continue to pay rent and eat canned tuna like the rest of us. Plus, you’re isolated. You’re gonna need porn.


Editors’ Recommendations:

Just a heads up, if you buy something through our links, we may get a small share of the sale. Click here for more.

Writing about consumer technology, social media and the deep layers of psychological torture endured by all of it. The world is changing, but that doesn't mean we can't be cynical about it. It's not all sunshine and roses in Silicon Valley. It's self loathing, pretentiousness and machines that squeeze juice for you. Also, a strong affinity for toasters.Follow on Twitter @cebsilver for them jokes. Chaotic neutral. Pitches to cebsilver@gmail.com

Comments

More in Buying Guide