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xHamster delves into the correlation of porn and politics

Porn for President 2020.

xhamster poll
Image: KnowTechie

Without much prompting, we can easily derive the state of politics in the United States of America. Everything is quite fucked. Without making any statements that require defense from verified sources when some loon who watched a YouTube video refutes what is fact, our Federal government is filled to the brim with hypocrites, self-serving tools, and a few lawmakers who actually want to see us all thrive and succeed. Sadly, they have been undone by decades of racist policies and shady policy-making, driven by money and power. But there is still porn. There is always porn.

To that end, porn site xHamster has conducted a survey of its users to get at least a technicolor picture of where its users’ politics intersect with their porn preferences. It should be noted that whether a user identified as conservative, liberal, anti-fascist, far-left, or far-right — they are still answering a survey on a porn site, together. We all know that conservatives, long a group that turns its nose at porn, is just actually a group that is so full of shame they are unable to embrace one of many things they enjoy. That’s no way to live life.

Surveying about 15,000 users, xHamster discovered some obvious trends and some not-so-obvious ones. First, conservatives were the most likely to identify as married (46.4%) which lends well to the shame theory. They were also most likely to identify as straight (72.3%) so you know that the closet doors are bursting to be flung open. Members identifying as Antifa (why is this even a selection) and far-left were least likely to identify as straight (40.9% and 49.6%, respectively) and the most likely to be in a polyamorous relationship (8.3% and 3.4%). That’s cause the left knows how to have fun.

Sexual orientation was all over the place really. Bisexual holds a large percentage chunk across the board, with gay or lesbian taking up most space left of center. The bisexual Libertarians seem like a fun group. That’s gotta be some chaotic neutral madness over there.

But let’s talk about banging

xhamster sex survey

Image: xHamster

Who has the most sex? You’d think it’d be the ones dead in the center, right? Centrists, just living their best lives not giving a shit about either political party and picking only the best bits from both would apply that type of thinking to sex right? Well, according to this survey, it’s the far-right and Antifa having the most sex (42.8% and 41.2%, respectively, reported having sex with a partner several times a week or more). That doesn’t mean if you bang the most you’re in those categories, it just means that those categories of political thought bang the most.

The alt-right (the furthest edge of the chart) and the not political (one slot left of center) reported having sex rarely or never, which is just boring. According to xHamster, Far-right and Antifa also dominated the once a day or more percentage group which indicates that regardless of politics, it seems these folk have a lot more in common than they might think. It’s likely a lot of angry sex with asides about the political state of the world. I’m sure it’s super enjoyable for their partners.

The rest of the charts go into pay-for-porn categories and spending during quarantine. It’s no surprise that Antifa spends the most on porn, since that appears to be the group of absolute anarchy, focused on making the world a better place through the absolution of fascists and the enjoyment of sexual escapism. The right of center categories are mostly as expected, save for the fact that they are on a porn site responding to a survey. I would love to see the categories of porn that they enjoy, but that data has not been released (yet). You can view all the charts over at xHamster if you so desire.

This is an election year after all, so no matter what our politics, one of the best ways to deal with it is to masturbate our way to the polls and vote, vote, vote. VOTE. I swear, if you fucking stay home this year grumbling about some lesser of two evils bullshit I’m coming to your house and smashing your router. Coffee is for closers and porn is for voters.

What do you think? Surprised by the results of this survey from xHamster? Let us know down below in the comments or carry the discussion over to our Twitter or Facebook.

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