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You can get your own massage robot for the low, low price of $310,000

No, thank you.

Massage robotics robot massaging a woman
Image: Massage Robotics

CES 2022 starts next week, and that means your feeds are going to be full of product launches for a while. Take the stress off with one of those launches, an AI-powered massage table with robotic arms.

The KneadBot2000 (my name, not theirs) comes courtesy of Massage Robotics and has a host of attachments to knead, roll, and push your stress away. All for the low price of $310,000.

I think I’d be stressed while robotic arms that look like they have enough strength to crush my puny bones give me a massage, but I’m not the target audience.

I don’t have $310K hidden away to purchase a massage robot, for starters, nor do I do anywhere near enough activity to warrant a deep tissue massage.

Then again, perhaps my fears about being crushed like a pretzel are unwarranted. The company says the arms are “intrinsically safe;” because of designed-in “mass, speed, gearing, and software limits.”

READ MORE: White Castle is hiring 100 robots to flip burgers

The company brochure could do with some finessing, as it sounds like they’re describing a CNC milling machine. Phrases like “such as tool-ID, location, duration, path, speed, and force” don’t really inspire confidence.

Neither does the name-drop of Google as a funder, nor as a research partner. I mean, Google removed the “Don’t Be Evil” section from its code of conduct. I really, really don’t trust any robotic arms trained by them near my posterior.

Anyway, if you want (and trust) a robot to massage your glutes; Massage Robotics is putting the device into production in 2022.

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Maker, meme-r, and unabashed geek with nearly half a decade of blogging experience. If it runs on electricity (or even if it doesn't), Joe probably has one around his office somewhere. His hobbies include photography, animation, and hoarding Reddit gold.

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