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Apple’s top-spec iPhone 11 Pro Max costs more than this used Buick

The Ouroboros of Apple’s cult of faux luxury.

iphone 11 pro production
Screenshot: KnowTechie

What the actual fuck Apple? When did buying a phone start costing as much as buying a used car? Yesterday, Apple announced a new camera with a phone built-in, and while it comes in multiple colors it may as well be gold bouillon.

There was a time when the elite — ie: upper-middle-class pricks — would diminish people who shopped at rent-to-own stores out of some sort of disillusioned classism. Now, those same people are renting an iPhone every single year along with us poors. And no simple iPhone will do. The top-spec iPhone (the one everyone wants) retails for $1499. That’s a 512GB iPhone 11 Pro Max unlocked and SIM-Free.

iphone 11 pro max max spec
Image: Apple

Look, I’ve been clear about how I feel about Apple and its annual iPhone circle jerk. I’ve never been keen on the ecosystem, with slight nods over the years to the product enhancements finally catching up to things that Samsung and LG are already doing. But Samsung and LG aren’t licking their own assholes when they do it. Apple does, tells you it tastes like cotton candy and takes your money with sticky, shit smelling hands.

The cult of Apple is strong. Its influence is deep and can be felt all the way up the spine and into the back of your throat. These keynotes only serve to stroke the tech media while slipping a finger up their asses and in turn, they spit on their hands and give the consuming public a healthy handy. Most consumers don’t use half the features their phones offer. You are not a professional photographer. You never will be. You don’t need all those camera features. Your pictures still suck. “Slofies” will not change how insufferable you really are.

A lot of regular people get caught in this net of influence. Instead of spending $1000 or more on something they need, like this used Buick Century to get them to work every day, they buy the most expensive iPhone possible and continue their flirting with the poverty line. But at least they have the latest and best iPhone and can show that off to their friends and keep their Instagram fresh.

used buick
Image: Craigslist

We all have aspirations of being more than we are, and Apple plays on those insecurities with these iPhones

They transcend function and enter us into a world of status and Kardashians. The entire American economy is based on our fragile egos and inability to separate necessity from glorious wants. We feel rich when we are holding a $1500 phone in our hands, poor when we drop it for the first time and have to struggle to get that extra cash needed to replace the screen.

This may seem a bit harsh on Apple. Buying a phone is a need and shouldn’t be burdened with the troubles of societal influence. Apple makes a product, people buy that product. Its existence is justified. I just think it’s time that we recognize what Apple is. It is a luxury brand that has grown out of what was an innovative technology company. It has no intention of losing its best customers — people who really can’t afford these phones.

If anything, it’s time for us to take a step back from the cult of Apple and reassess. This isn’t to say that we should stop buying Apple products, or leaning into its entertainment and gaming divisions, but anyone wearing a $500+ Apple Watch paired with their $1500 iPhone 11 should never complain to me about struggling to survive in this world again. I don’t want to hear it. You drank the fucking Kool-Aid, now choke on it.

What do you think? Am I just a cynical bastard or do you agree with me? Let us know down below in the comments or carry the discussion over to our Twitter or Facebook.

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A tech writer on the internet for over 15 years for outlets such as Forbes, Wired, TNW, and others, Curtis is exhausted, burnt out and happy to just write buying guides and the occasional review for KnowTechie, the best tech blog your mom never told you about. Ephemeral existence for ephemeral times. Please send pitches and grainy pictures of the inside of your elbow to kevin@knowtechie.com

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