Someone has invented a gun that can fire a mask onto your face
At last, a gun that might save lives.
Anyone at Nobel got a spare prize laying about? Because this guy deserves one. Allen Pan is sick of seeing people without their masks on. So, the pioneering young chap set about inventing a gun that can
kill non-mask wearers in one shot fire a mask onto the face of those who don’t wear them. At last, we have a weapon that might save lives instead of taking them.
Since the onset of the coronavirus pandemic, authorities have been telling us to wear masks. This is, we are told, a viable method of preventing the spread of the airborne virus. If we are suffering from symptoms of COVID-19, we should stay at home and self-isolate. If we aren’t and we go out, we should wear a mask to enter a store or cafe. Those who don’t could soon find that security is launching masks at their face.
From my cold, dead hands
Now, we all know that firearms are big business in the US. They are easy to obtain, as are the bullets you pop in them. Whether you actually need a gun or not is a point of contention (you don’t, though). So, I’m sure this is going to really confuse the gun-toting mask deniers among us. No doubt this will be seen as a further impingement on the freedoms of those who vehemently won’t wear a mask. However, if you don’t wear a mask, you might find you have cold, dead hands yourself.
The “gun” works more like a slingshot. You stretch the mask over the front of the device and then the tie strings (complete with weights at the ends) and pull them around the back of the launcher. A gas canister then launches the entire mask when you depress the trigger. The weights at the end of the tie strings then wrap the strings around your head before they smash you in the face at 20 mph. Pan has even added a mounted laser for added accuracy
360 no-scope maskings
While it is unlikely you’ll ever earn a Call of Duty: Modern Warfare blueprint for the mask, there’s no denying it is a fun idea. The concept of firing a mask over the hooting trap of some marauding Karen/Kevin is beyond hilarious. It would potentially shut them up for a minute or two before they exploded in a fine red mist of crimson rage. In reality, I can’t even begin to imagine the bloody murder this would cause at the entrance to Target. Especially when people are packing real guns.
The fact of the matter is, you should be wearing a mask when you’re out in public. Aside from protecting other people, you will be protecting yourself too. So in being selfish you are also not being selfish (cue synchronized explosions of simple minds across the planet); how paradoxical. Wouldn’t it just be easier if we accepted Bill Gates’ tracking vaccine? I mean, then we wouldn’t need masks at all, would we? Just wear a fucking mask and get over yourself, you prick.
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