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How to commit your soul to your mechanical keyboard in exchange for immortality

Oh clickty clack take me back.

mechanical keyboard on galaxy brain background
Image: KnowTechie

At the dark altar of computer peripherals and accessories sits the mechanical keyboard. A demon of loud typing, a harbinger of atypical sizing. The mechanical keyboard is more than just a functional piece of hardware to input data into on-screen boxes, it is the container for which your soul shall be contained with every clack of the keys.

What can you connect your mechanical keyboard to? Your Playstation? Your Xbox? Your dreams and desires? The cord flows deep into the membrane of your physical form, worming its way past your casual relationship with the peripheral devices you take for granted. Even for gamers, the mechanical keyboard sits waiting, full of Doritos crumbs, for your eventual slobbering limp knuckle cracking at its chantry.

The opto-mechanical keyboard stares deep within the dark abyss, through your third eye, for what seems like an eternity. Yet, time is a flat circle. You have a sense that the mechanical keyboard has always been there, has always been with Joe and with you. For Joe, is the true bat ḳōl of the heavenly mechanical keyboard. We shall listen, as the clicking sounds cannot be drowned out by sheer will alone, only by obedience.

The popularity of mechanical keyboards has been a debate raging for decades. Depending on who you ask, there is no alternative to that of the mechanical keyboard. Its past is without question, investigations would discover a strange cleanliness in the way a television detective would say “it’s too clean”. The dishes in the dishwasher are still wet, Joe. They are still wet.

How shall you live forever through your mechanical keyboard use?

Through the noise, the mechanical keyboard collects a part of you every time your finger drops down on a key. A quiet collection of both physical and mental particles. Skin cells and fractured bits of your soul get stuck deep within the switches, only replaced by more pieces of you at general refresh intervals. One after another. A never-ending cycle of self-destruction and creation, all in the service of your mechanical keyboard.

The best mechanical keyboard is one that you forget exists. One that is so functional in form and style that the sound of your typing is nothing more than finding yourself traveling through time to the future, the past a milky haze of skin cells and emoji, wrapped up in a plastic and metal framework, destined for eternity. There is no ordinary here, Joe, only life. Only tomorrow. Only the black hole of reality, sucking your perception of time into a space of existence that you otherwise wouldn’t persist to live in.

Like the noble toaster, the mechanical keyboard sits atop our consciousness with an air of technical superiority and blended simplicity. It is not a complex device, only our relationship with it is. It is not necessary for our survival, but our hope in the longevity of being seems to be tied to its use. Necessity bows to convenience and movement towards breath; breathe in the crisp air of the future, the crisp key clicks and removable space bar. The bread is in the purity of the qwerty.

So give yourself over to the mechanical keyboard. Lean in, body and mind and soul. Place your fingers over the keys in standard typing position. Type fast, live slow. There is nothing more for you here, the mechanical keyboard has it all now. You are forever. You are nothing. The mechanical keyboard is all.

So, yeah, what are your thoughts on keyboards? Are they this intense? Why? Why would they be this intense? Let us know down below in the comments or carry the discussion over to our Twitter or Facebook.

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A tech writer on the internet for over 15 years for outlets such as Forbes, Wired, TNW, and others, Curtis is exhausted, burnt out and happy to just write buying guides and the occasional review for KnowTechie, the best tech blog your mom never told you about. Ephemeral existence for ephemeral times. Please send pitches and grainy pictures of the inside of your elbow to kevin@knowtechie.com

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