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Tesla’s Cybertruck is some sort of absurd, money-collecting geometrical fallacy


Tesla driving cybertruck
Image: Tesla

Last week Tesla revealed its initial design for a pickup truck: Cybertruck. I say initial because there is no fucking way this thing is going to be the final production version — right? This has got to be Elon Musk trolling the general public and the Tesla community.

Regardless, the thing picked up over 200,000 preorders online, equating to $20M straight into Tesla’s coffers (preorders were a mere $100 deposit, which is also strange). It’s a drop in the bucket for Musk, whose personal fortune suffered after the Cybertruck sat on stage with broken windows and a surprised Musk.

The Cybertruck’s design was met with immediate sarcasm online, which makes complete sense. Even if it looked like a Toyota Tundra, the internet never fails to shit on anything new. There is something neat about the Cybertruck though if you are just learning about shapes.

Naturally, I want to get in on that action and since it’s Thanksgiving week and you’ll need some topics of conversation that aren’t focused on the hellscape of national politics.

I thought of some one-liners of which at least one should land you some lightly mashed potato chuckles.

The Tesla Cybertruck looks like it drove right out of the animation studio behind Weird Al’s “Beverly Hillbillies” music video.

The Tesla Cybertruck looks like a vehicle prop from a movie made in the 1960s about the future that takes place in the 1980s, on Mars.

The Tesla Cybertruck looks like an El Camino got trapped in the Kaleidoscope dimension.

The Tesla Cybertruck looks like what my 10th-grade Geometry teacher once told me, “then what are you doing in this class? Get out!”

The Tesla Cybertruck looks like something Pablo Picasso would drive.

The Tesla Cybertruck looks like it’s a set-piece on American Gladiator during the intro and you can see the burn marks from the pyrotechnics.

The Tesla Cybertruck looks like Justin Timberlake is in the back seat, checking the glowing green numbers on his forearm.

The Tesla Cybertruck looks like Euclidean geometry got drunk at the party and ended up in a dive bar arguing with a dodecahedron.

Consumers are already throwing money at this thing and it’s likely more because it’s a Tesla than because it’s a Cybertruck. The design is secondary and IMO, is likely to change over the next couple of years. Right now planned production isn’t slated to start until 2021 on the base version, with the boosted version starting in 2022. That’s a lot of time to see some design changes.

I’m sure this skepticism of its design isn’t mine alone. While the jokes flow, the feeling behind those jokes is that this thing is not seriously going to be bumping its mirror-less way into intersections around the country in a few years. While car technology and design has advanced into a 21st century not imagined by 1980s science fiction movies, it seems that’s exactly where the Tesla design team is stuck.

Have any thoughts on this? Do you think Tesla will end up changing up its design? Let us know down below in the comments or carry the discussion over to our Twitter or Facebook.

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